Whether you’re an early grad or a super senior, an English major or pre-med, an East-sider or a West-sider…no one walks across the stage and shakes the Chancellor’s hand without learning these things:

 

The amount a human being can miss Zaxby’s, Sonic, Target, and Moe’s is truly infinite

 

So is the amount of anon Twitters people are capable of creating

 

Chancellor Peacock is the best person alive

 

And no one remembers names and faces quite like this lady

 

The deepest wisdom isn’t found in the classroom, but in the bathroom stalls on the first floor of I.G. Greer

 

The most reliable scientific law: For every last-minute study session there is an equal and opposite ASULearn outage

 

Human beings can survive much longer without sleep than you thought they could. Much. Much. MUCH. Longer.

 

There is no panic like making it to the front of the line in Central and realizing you don’t have this:

 

The Hunger Games has nothing on the race to get a library table during finals week

 

And if you actually get a study room, you basically feel like this:

 

Human beings will eat incredibly questionable food if it’s readily available

 

Fashion is truly in the eye of the beholder

 

It takes approximately two minutes to make your hands and face start moving again after walking across campus in a blizzard

 

And approximately two years to realize the “Yosef” puns are never going away

Oh yeah, and that Appalachian family thing you heard about during orientation? It’s real.

That’s the best thing you’ll learn.

And you’ll probably never forget it.