In Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Albus Dumbledore says the following words, which have refused to leave me alone lately:
We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, Harry, but battle on.
I’m realizing more and more, as I continue to grapple with depression, that this is exactly what I have to do.
It’s tempting, every single day, to stay in bed – to hide from everything in a self-made cave. It’s tempting to give in to every dip and sway of my emotions. It’s tempting to cut people out of my life, to send “I’m sorry” texts and emails, to avoid everything that requires effort. It’s tempting to surrender, to slide back into despair, to avoid showering and working and moving and being alive.
It’s tempting to sink beneath my anguish.
But instead, I will get up and go. I will make lists. I will reach out to the people who love me, even if that ends in tears and frustrating circular conversations. I will make an attempt to eat real food that makes me better, not junk that anesthetizes me. I will cry. I will dream. I will move. I will write. And every night at 10:00, I’ll pour a glass of milk and take that little blue pill.
I will battle on.